I am happy because of 30 things take place in my life this month:-
1. I had registered my own company in Tamparuli
2. I am flying to Jakarta this month - business and pleasure purposes (yeah, with my girlfriends)
3. I have lots of admirers (than I've expected)
4. I have my true friends stick with me, supported and motivated me and believed in my abilities and capacities.
5. Nephews and nieces believed in me that soon I will make it big in my life through their words.
6. Cousins that pictures me as 'Lady Boss' soon to be.
7. I have great 'single' life to live.
8. I am in-charge and do action of things in my life, and not just be silent and do nothing!
9. Gained new friends. Many.
10. I have time to keep in touch with my old friends again.
11. I have 'someone' that I can talk to.
12. Parents, eventho' they talked too much at all time.
13. Get back my 'body' back and will maintain the 'sexyness'!
14. I have more time to read more books that builds up my inner strengths.
15. I have the passions and love the career that I've taken up.
16. I have lists down things that I want to do this whole year.
17. Being realistic on what I want to achieves
18. I have a positive attitude in everything that I'd gone through and how I deal with them.
19. I have a new adopted baby rabbit back in my cousin's house ~ kuci-kuci
20. Able to listen to sentimental songs without getting emotional over past memories
21. I don't care about how people think of me
22. I taught myself and able to do things even I hate(e.g. driving a pajero/double cabin MANUAL cars and drove on challenging Kg bumpy roads)
23. I drove around without my "P" on the cars for weeks!
24.I have control over my 'likes' and 'dislikes' foods, habits, etc.
25. I fed my brain with positive stuffs, and produce positive results
26. I've invested my time to write things down, what I want, how to life my life, and lists the action plan to get there.
27. I've invested my positive attitude into habits to do things that I believe I can do
28. I've know and lists down my actions plan for February 09.
29. I know I don't need man literally, but only 'emotionally'
30. I am alive and thanks God for giving me what I need everyday, at the right time, place and people.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Friday, December 19, 2008
New Life 2009
It was not an easy thing to do to start all over again.
11.11.08 - is a date to remember, the rest of my life.
Even I will learn to be happy again, November 11th will always be the most remembered date in my life. Learning how to really TRUST again..without applying a negative 'assumption' on new people is hard. He and she did not have even a 'slight' imagination of what this NEGATIVE impact on my view to all new people that comes along in my life in the future.
The embarrassment.
The hurt.
The pain.
The TRAUMA,
I have gone through, no one will be able to really 'feel' it.
Yes, people can sympathy, pity, empathy, or whatever it is, people will not be able to BE me, the Person who gone through it all.
I remembered.
He told me, she CRIED for ME.
(did she really cried for me?why did i cried alone when all this happened, then?)
He said, she UNDERSTOOD how HURT am I going to be, if he leaves.
(did she really understand and felt my hurt?WHY she still continue doing it if she knows the negative consequences she left on my life? the SCAR will always be there)
He said, she GONE THROUGH THE SAME as I GO THROUGH, if he leaves.
(then why did she "LEAD ON" it anyway?WHY did not she stopped?she is SELFISH and so are him)
He said, she is a very UNDERSTANDING person.
(did she really been an understanding person? why did she did it still?)
He said, she have a BIG HEART for him.
(did she really?then why she let his friends, families, pastors, the rests looked down and hate him now due to her doings?)
He said, she have done nothing to make him 'change' they way he feels for me, if she didn't anything, why his feelings changed then?
Whatever, he said about HER, it really does not matter now!
Why? he just proved himself that he is very WEAK.
Academically SMART but WEAK, WEAK, WEAK, WEAK and WEAK!!! Proven by his decisions and actions.
How? SHE CAN managed his mind to turn 180degree, so EASILY! To her, he is just like 'a piece of cake'! bongo nya...
What actions did HE take? NOTHING.
Accepting what was his fault, keep his silence, and do NOTHING about the 'damage' that he created to my life.
In many issues, if he do not like something, he keep his silence. Instead of taking charge of what he supposed to do, he choose to keep quite and do nothing at all. House of Kota Damansara, instead of telling Mr Chan, what he wants from Mr Chan, he refused to pick Mr Chan's calls - which leaves me to be threatened, scolded, and things from Mr Chan.
He's evidently is WEAK.
While, SHE blogged to show how "GOOD" and "FAITHFUL" Christian she was with GOD, yet, SHE dare to damage people's relationship as if nothing major will happen to his and my families. Her workmates, commented that it just show how immature was she for 'scolding' others for 'gossiping' what had happened. Instead of accepting the truth, she DENIED everything - just for the sake of 'maintaining' and 'securing' her new job - and selfishly 'grab' the person without further thinking. Little did she know, that other people who read, witnessed, and knew the real story, LAUGHING at her and her blogs!
Even my friends, who find out her blogs (on their own effort to find), laughed hard at her GODLY fake remarks! I don't have to tell how immature is she, because, others have their own brain and feelings to judge for themselves about her!
I don't have to say or do anything at all to 'influence' my friends for thinking that way, because, it is not me who are talking, but her own people and colleagues talks!
Stupid girl! I dare to say.
Please, don't use "religion" to cover up what you did, and blame others for what they did because they saw what you DID that that is why they gossip about you and him. People LAUGH at you both! Sedar la sikit...
He,at all time,without thinking deeper what will happen to me, my families, friends, relatives, church members, colleagues, and everybody who knew HIM and me as a happy people together (past)- just go ahead, doing what is her "GOOD FEELINGS BEING IN LOVE" tells her to do.Immature.
HE in the other hand is just another 'jerk' who played with people's heart, life and love - who thinks about nobody but selfishly only his NEW 'good feelings' being in love with her. He thinks through his HEAD instead of HEART. He, too, only doing what is his "GOOD FEELINGS BEING IN LOVE" tells him to do. Immature. He don't even understand what's going on...due to all his actions and decisions. He thinks none but for himself!
If he thought of me, as an "IMPERFECT" person, I could have thought of him as "IMPERFECT" too.
Nor he been "PERFECT" to me.
He and me is just same.
Instead of learning and improving from the 'imperfectness', he finds faults from the pasts - that prove himself as useless as an empty shell. Immature, too.
He thought that starting with a new person, will eliminate 'imperfectness' of me, or, prove himself as the 'perfect' person.
He's wrong.
Even he himself knew, the everyone is not perfect. Only God alone is perfect.
He just do NOT want to accept that what he say and said, or do, doing and done, or treat or treated me - are all based on his SELFISHNESS.
SELFISH.
VERY SELFISH.
What if he found out that she also WITH many 'imperfectness'?
What will her's mother think of him, if her mother knew what had I've gone through due to his doings?
I wonder if she will really cry for me when the time reveals his true colours?
Due to his own SELFISHNESS, I know he losing his religion, faith, good friends, church members friends, pastors, and the rests of the people who used to think him as a "GOOD" child of God. His selfishness, broaden and proved his TRUE colours in everyone's eyes.. he's just nothing like what they thought of him for past 5years plus... He's FAKE.
If she is so kind, pure, or whatever what 'good' things he saw in her, why don't he follow her to her beliefs? That's proves that he don't even believe in his own beliefs. Worse. I can sincerely advise him, for him to stop being any of both (if he can't follow her), to adopt a total new religion. Please, don't use religion as a 'cover-up' story about your life story with her.
He and she do not have even a 'slight' idea, that those people they are working with are blood to my brother's fiancee. They knew exactly what happened, but of course, who wants to get involved in his and her mess? It's his and her wrong doings that they must to take up, face and live on.
'I thought, he's a kind, loving and humble child of God..'
'I thought, he's kind and would not have the heart to do such a horrible things to your life..'
'I thought, he's ....that and this...' bla bla bla....
Sorry to say, people precept him wrongly. I myself, thought the same thing. He had successfully DUPED everyone...
If he wants to mend with anybody at all, he will have to mend his own relationship with GOD first.
Then, me, who he gave trauma in my life, and the rests of all people will accept him.
He have to earn God's friendship.
Earn my friendship.
Earn friends' friendship.
Earn church members friendship.
He is the one who 'damaged' everything.
The rests were only forced to be in this drama he CREATED himself into.
I don't wish to play my part in this drama he CREATED.
My friends don't wish to play their parts in this drama he CREATED either.
Church members don't wish to play in their parts in this drama he CREATED also.
Pastors' don't wish to play their parts in this drama he CREATED ....either.
I wonder if he can TRULLY laugh, kiss, hug and happy with her now..after all he done this things to me?
I wonder if he loves God, seriously,then why the 'love' he had inside enable him to do such a horrible thing to other people?
I can STOP doing the 'wondering' parts..now. I know, unless he make RIGHT with GOD, and to all the people he affected, nobody will looked up at him anymore.
The money. The status. The Job. The Society. Made him BLIND. Fully Blind.
Probably because people have been praying me...I felt so much better compared to two months ago! I had lined out my things to do every month till next year... and putting them into actions.
Each morning, when I wake up, I knew, I am HOT and SEXY now.
Each afternoon, when I am doing things, I knew, I have the abilities, capacities, and drive.
Each evening, when I am alone, I knew, what I should do the next day.
Each night, when I go to sleep, I smile, contented, and happy with my life now.
But each day, I will never forget God loves me and never forsaken me, even when nobody does....
Again. The money. The status. The Job. The Society. Made him BLIND.
I will pray that one day, GOD be able to 'heal' me inside, for what was been done to me, my parents, relatives, friends, church members and everyone that is involved with - by him.
Eventho' I have lost almost everything..Love and time... the years, the memories, all meant nothing now.
God had made me a winner instead of him or her.
God had made me STRONGER than ever.
I've let go.
Now, I LAUGH again from inside, I only thanked God.
I only remembered friends, that have shared, stayed, cried, hugged and taken care of me - while I were in such a mess."
I've found out, all those 'sincere' hearts among the people I came to know with.
May God blesses my sincere friends.
For him - may God gave him humbleness, open his blind eyes from all the mistakes he done to me, family and friends - and undo his selfishness.
For her - may God gave her what are the true meaning of 'crying' for what she thought she understood about the impact she done me, family and friends. May God makes her TRUE to her own beliefs. Practice what you've blogged girl, then you earn people's respect!
People telling me, even he and she got married, have kids, and have all the money in life together - the happiness will not be theirs.
Their relationship was based on ..
hurting someone's heart
causing an embarrassing to someone's life.
blaming my imperfectness..while he too having imperfectness...
selfishness
causing others to hate the characters inside them
causing church members to be embarrassed by their doings
causing someone's parents blaming their daughter for NOT what was her faults
causing his own family disappointed in his doings..
causing all many other things that NOT supposed to happen...
What will GOD revenge them on my behalf?
I don't want to know.
I JUST SIT. DO NOTHING about them.
My life is my life now. I am busy with my own life now.Their life is their life.
I don't care. Even he married another girl, and not her in the future.
From now on, I am walking forward. Not turning my head back anymore.
I am in full capacity and in control of my life now.
I see where am I, who am I, and what will I be in the next few years.
I thank him and her, for making me STRONGER than before.
I found my strengths from my inner self.
I found my abilities.
I found out my perfectionist trait -will help me to go on to be a successful person.
I have uncovered so many things that all hidden within myself all these years....
I thank God for making all this happen early.
I thank God for showing me who the real me - my personality,characters,abilities, strengths
I just loving myself more than ever..
I've learned to appreciate those who accepts me - just the way I am.
I've learned to ask GOD why and understand.
I've learned many things..
I know, I am now HOT.
I became "SINGLE" again...and gained lot of admirers.
Probably people have been praying me...I felt so much better compared two months ago!
I had lined out my things to do every month till next year... and putting them into actions.
But each day, I will never forget God loves me and never forsaken me, even when nobody does....
May God instill and awaken kindness in their hearts. Learn how to be real "HUMAN" to other human.
Go, get a life, to both of them.
Living a life is not merely being in love, having high salary, or whatever both of them are going through, feelings, or anything else right now. Life is more than just all that. If he or she can't figure out what life really meant, then,you two can go ahead to stay and act childish.
I won.
He lost, loose and loss.
She? gained nothing.
Need for me to say more? I think, there's no need.
Period.
11.11.08 - is a date to remember, the rest of my life.
Even I will learn to be happy again, November 11th will always be the most remembered date in my life. Learning how to really TRUST again..without applying a negative 'assumption' on new people is hard. He and she did not have even a 'slight' imagination of what this NEGATIVE impact on my view to all new people that comes along in my life in the future.
The embarrassment.
The hurt.
The pain.
The TRAUMA,
I have gone through, no one will be able to really 'feel' it.
Yes, people can sympathy, pity, empathy, or whatever it is, people will not be able to BE me, the Person who gone through it all.
I remembered.
He told me, she CRIED for ME.
(did she really cried for me?why did i cried alone when all this happened, then?)
He said, she UNDERSTOOD how HURT am I going to be, if he leaves.
(did she really understand and felt my hurt?WHY she still continue doing it if she knows the negative consequences she left on my life? the SCAR will always be there)
He said, she GONE THROUGH THE SAME as I GO THROUGH, if he leaves.
(then why did she "LEAD ON" it anyway?WHY did not she stopped?she is SELFISH and so are him)
He said, she is a very UNDERSTANDING person.
(did she really been an understanding person? why did she did it still?)
He said, she have a BIG HEART for him.
(did she really?then why she let his friends, families, pastors, the rests looked down and hate him now due to her doings?)
He said, she have done nothing to make him 'change' they way he feels for me, if she didn't anything, why his feelings changed then?
Whatever, he said about HER, it really does not matter now!
Why? he just proved himself that he is very WEAK.
Academically SMART but WEAK, WEAK, WEAK, WEAK and WEAK!!! Proven by his decisions and actions.
How? SHE CAN managed his mind to turn 180degree, so EASILY! To her, he is just like 'a piece of cake'! bongo nya...
What actions did HE take? NOTHING.
Accepting what was his fault, keep his silence, and do NOTHING about the 'damage' that he created to my life.
In many issues, if he do not like something, he keep his silence. Instead of taking charge of what he supposed to do, he choose to keep quite and do nothing at all. House of Kota Damansara, instead of telling Mr Chan, what he wants from Mr Chan, he refused to pick Mr Chan's calls - which leaves me to be threatened, scolded, and things from Mr Chan.
He's evidently is WEAK.
While, SHE blogged to show how "GOOD" and "FAITHFUL" Christian she was with GOD, yet, SHE dare to damage people's relationship as if nothing major will happen to his and my families. Her workmates, commented that it just show how immature was she for 'scolding' others for 'gossiping' what had happened. Instead of accepting the truth, she DENIED everything - just for the sake of 'maintaining' and 'securing' her new job - and selfishly 'grab' the person without further thinking. Little did she know, that other people who read, witnessed, and knew the real story, LAUGHING at her and her blogs!
Even my friends, who find out her blogs (on their own effort to find), laughed hard at her GODLY fake remarks! I don't have to tell how immature is she, because, others have their own brain and feelings to judge for themselves about her!
I don't have to say or do anything at all to 'influence' my friends for thinking that way, because, it is not me who are talking, but her own people and colleagues talks!
Stupid girl! I dare to say.
Please, don't use "religion" to cover up what you did, and blame others for what they did because they saw what you DID that that is why they gossip about you and him. People LAUGH at you both! Sedar la sikit...
He,at all time,without thinking deeper what will happen to me, my families, friends, relatives, church members, colleagues, and everybody who knew HIM and me as a happy people together (past)- just go ahead, doing what is her "GOOD FEELINGS BEING IN LOVE" tells her to do.Immature.
HE in the other hand is just another 'jerk' who played with people's heart, life and love - who thinks about nobody but selfishly only his NEW 'good feelings' being in love with her. He thinks through his HEAD instead of HEART. He, too, only doing what is his "GOOD FEELINGS BEING IN LOVE" tells him to do. Immature. He don't even understand what's going on...due to all his actions and decisions. He thinks none but for himself!
If he thought of me, as an "IMPERFECT" person, I could have thought of him as "IMPERFECT" too.
Nor he been "PERFECT" to me.
He and me is just same.
Instead of learning and improving from the 'imperfectness', he finds faults from the pasts - that prove himself as useless as an empty shell. Immature, too.
He thought that starting with a new person, will eliminate 'imperfectness' of me, or, prove himself as the 'perfect' person.
He's wrong.
Even he himself knew, the everyone is not perfect. Only God alone is perfect.
He just do NOT want to accept that what he say and said, or do, doing and done, or treat or treated me - are all based on his SELFISHNESS.
SELFISH.
VERY SELFISH.
What if he found out that she also WITH many 'imperfectness'?
What will her's mother think of him, if her mother knew what had I've gone through due to his doings?
I wonder if she will really cry for me when the time reveals his true colours?
Due to his own SELFISHNESS, I know he losing his religion, faith, good friends, church members friends, pastors, and the rests of the people who used to think him as a "GOOD" child of God. His selfishness, broaden and proved his TRUE colours in everyone's eyes.. he's just nothing like what they thought of him for past 5years plus... He's FAKE.
If she is so kind, pure, or whatever what 'good' things he saw in her, why don't he follow her to her beliefs? That's proves that he don't even believe in his own beliefs. Worse. I can sincerely advise him, for him to stop being any of both (if he can't follow her), to adopt a total new religion. Please, don't use religion as a 'cover-up' story about your life story with her.
He and she do not have even a 'slight' idea, that those people they are working with are blood to my brother's fiancee. They knew exactly what happened, but of course, who wants to get involved in his and her mess? It's his and her wrong doings that they must to take up, face and live on.
'I thought, he's a kind, loving and humble child of God..'
'I thought, he's kind and would not have the heart to do such a horrible things to your life..'
'I thought, he's ....that and this...' bla bla bla....
Sorry to say, people precept him wrongly. I myself, thought the same thing. He had successfully DUPED everyone...
If he wants to mend with anybody at all, he will have to mend his own relationship with GOD first.
Then, me, who he gave trauma in my life, and the rests of all people will accept him.
He have to earn God's friendship.
Earn my friendship.
Earn friends' friendship.
Earn church members friendship.
He is the one who 'damaged' everything.
The rests were only forced to be in this drama he CREATED himself into.
I don't wish to play my part in this drama he CREATED.
My friends don't wish to play their parts in this drama he CREATED either.
Church members don't wish to play in their parts in this drama he CREATED also.
Pastors' don't wish to play their parts in this drama he CREATED ....either.
I wonder if he can TRULLY laugh, kiss, hug and happy with her now..after all he done this things to me?
I wonder if he loves God, seriously,then why the 'love' he had inside enable him to do such a horrible thing to other people?
I can STOP doing the 'wondering' parts..now. I know, unless he make RIGHT with GOD, and to all the people he affected, nobody will looked up at him anymore.
The money. The status. The Job. The Society. Made him BLIND. Fully Blind.
Probably because people have been praying me...I felt so much better compared to two months ago! I had lined out my things to do every month till next year... and putting them into actions.
Each morning, when I wake up, I knew, I am HOT and SEXY now.
Each afternoon, when I am doing things, I knew, I have the abilities, capacities, and drive.
Each evening, when I am alone, I knew, what I should do the next day.
Each night, when I go to sleep, I smile, contented, and happy with my life now.
But each day, I will never forget God loves me and never forsaken me, even when nobody does....
Again. The money. The status. The Job. The Society. Made him BLIND.
I will pray that one day, GOD be able to 'heal' me inside, for what was been done to me, my parents, relatives, friends, church members and everyone that is involved with - by him.
Eventho' I have lost almost everything..Love and time... the years, the memories, all meant nothing now.
God had made me a winner instead of him or her.
God had made me STRONGER than ever.
I've let go.
Now, I LAUGH again from inside, I only thanked God.
I only remembered friends, that have shared, stayed, cried, hugged and taken care of me - while I were in such a mess."
I've found out, all those 'sincere' hearts among the people I came to know with.
May God blesses my sincere friends.
For him - may God gave him humbleness, open his blind eyes from all the mistakes he done to me, family and friends - and undo his selfishness.
For her - may God gave her what are the true meaning of 'crying' for what she thought she understood about the impact she done me, family and friends. May God makes her TRUE to her own beliefs. Practice what you've blogged girl, then you earn people's respect!
People telling me, even he and she got married, have kids, and have all the money in life together - the happiness will not be theirs.
Their relationship was based on ..
hurting someone's heart
causing an embarrassing to someone's life.
blaming my imperfectness..while he too having imperfectness...
selfishness
causing others to hate the characters inside them
causing church members to be embarrassed by their doings
causing someone's parents blaming their daughter for NOT what was her faults
causing his own family disappointed in his doings..
causing all many other things that NOT supposed to happen...
What will GOD revenge them on my behalf?
I don't want to know.
I JUST SIT. DO NOTHING about them.
My life is my life now. I am busy with my own life now.Their life is their life.
I don't care. Even he married another girl, and not her in the future.
From now on, I am walking forward. Not turning my head back anymore.
I am in full capacity and in control of my life now.
I see where am I, who am I, and what will I be in the next few years.
I thank him and her, for making me STRONGER than before.
I found my strengths from my inner self.
I found my abilities.
I found out my perfectionist trait -will help me to go on to be a successful person.
I have uncovered so many things that all hidden within myself all these years....
I thank God for making all this happen early.
I thank God for showing me who the real me - my personality,characters,abilities, strengths
I just loving myself more than ever..
I've learned to appreciate those who accepts me - just the way I am.
I've learned to ask GOD why and understand.
I've learned many things..
I know, I am now HOT.
I became "SINGLE" again...and gained lot of admirers.
Probably people have been praying me...I felt so much better compared two months ago!
I had lined out my things to do every month till next year... and putting them into actions.
But each day, I will never forget God loves me and never forsaken me, even when nobody does....
May God instill and awaken kindness in their hearts. Learn how to be real "HUMAN" to other human.
Go, get a life, to both of them.
Living a life is not merely being in love, having high salary, or whatever both of them are going through, feelings, or anything else right now. Life is more than just all that. If he or she can't figure out what life really meant, then,you two can go ahead to stay and act childish.
I won.
He lost, loose and loss.
She? gained nothing.
Need for me to say more? I think, there's no need.
Period.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Flirty Eyes?
So, here go my new 'long' eyelashes...he he he he...so impressing!
My colleagues thought I am wearing that 'stick-on' long lashes on my eyelids.... but am not, but still, am still wearing FAKE lashes though.... difference is that, this FAKE lashses were 'glued' with my not-so-long original eyelashes.. duh..
But this new eyes...kind awesome...yeah, it's FLIRTING with anyone who looks at me... mulau..prasaannyaa giaaa teii... but to maintaining is soooo difficult and merimaskan...
My hair? haven't got the chance to take pictures yet... will do soon. .. so behave and be patient..
he he he
Well, am arranging and planning a 'paintball' game this month, and a escapade to Bali with my friends whom I met in KK ... *big smile
Enough about me!
Muah
Friday, July 20, 2007
My New Page of Blog
So, I got myself a new blog page?
More pages to rattle?gossip?sharing?
Dunno.
We'll see.
More pages to rattle?gossip?sharing?
Dunno.
We'll see.
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